Kitty Ruskin shared a direct message to men after her year-long experience came to an end
A woman who spent a full year engaging in what she described as casual sex with different men has opened up about the reality of her experience and the moments that left a lasting emotional impact on her.
In her book, Ten Men: A Year of Casual Sex, Kitty Ruskin shared details of her journey. She also warned other women to approach casual sex with caution, explaining that she believes many modern men have been influenced in negative ways by exposure to pornography.
In the book, which was released last year, the British writer spoke about her decision to explore casual dating. She explained that she once felt like she had missed out on that part of life, as she did not lose her virginity until she was 22.
Ruskin said she wanted to stop placing so much importance on who she chose to sleep with. She hoped the experience would help her feel more free and more confident in herself.
She also shared that her decision was partly influenced by the character Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, who is known for her open and confident approach to sex.
Ruskin was inspired by the TV show character Samantha JonesInstagram/@kittyruskin
“No more guilt. No more self-loathing. No more self-limitation. I was liberated and fearless. I was Samantha,” Ruskin said.
“I decided to have sex with as many people as I wanted to,” she told the Daily Mail.
However, instead of feeling empowered, she described being left deeply affected by what she went through. In her book, she revealed that she experienced sexual assault on two separate occasions during that year.
During her first date with a male model, Ruskin believed there was an instant connection between them. But when they met again, she said she was surprised to find his home filled with bondage equipment.
She later claimed that he ‘proceeded to use [them] on her without prior discussion’. After that experience, she chose not to see him again.
Another encounter, this time with a PhD student, also left her feeling uncomfortable. After they slept together, she said he tried to convince her to follow what he described as a new religion that he was creating.
She also said that he choked her without her consent, which left her feeling unsettled and physically unwell.
“It probably only lasted a couple of seconds, but they felt agonizingly slow,” she recalled in her book, as per the outlet. “I couldn’t breathe, and my feet weren’t quite on the floor.”
The situation became even more serious during another date, when she said her drink was spiked.
According to Ruskin, the man she was with took her back to his home even though she felt too intoxicated to give consent, and he then had unprotected sex with her.
“My mind was slow to accept that my body had been raped because of self-defense,” she admitted. “After something traumatic happens, you don’t want to acknowledge that it’s happened. You don’t feel ready to face it, or capable of admitting it.”
Even after these events, she chose to continue with her project, although she decided to change her approach moving forward.
Kitty said women are tired of shouldering ‘fear and trauma’Instagram/@kittyruskin
“I liked the idea of having sex with someone who cared about me; someone who had regard for my feelings,” she wrote in the book.
“Perhaps sex within a relationship would leave me feeling more satisfied, more empowered.”
Despite this change in mindset, things did not improve in the way she had hoped.
In another incident, she said a man forced her to have unprotected sex.
“He didn’t stop,” she wrote.
She described this second assault as leaving her with what she called an overwhelming sense of grief that was difficult to process.
Looking back on the entire experience, she said the year left her feeling emotionally drained and unsettled, rather than empowered.
She explained that the purpose of her book is to highlight the challenges and risks that women can face when navigating casual dating.
“Men: let’s take the problem of rape culture off the back burner,” she said, addressing men directly. “Let’s pull it down from the shelf and look at it, even though doing so might make you feel uncomfortable. Guilty, even.”
“It may make you feel uneasy, but women are tired of shouldering all this fear and trauma.”